freelancing vs. graduate studies (with Opal Clyburn-Miller)
An honest conversation about the differences between a life in freelance musicianship and one in academia.
Dear reader,
Happy Sunday! I hope you are having a great week. I have had a fairly relaxed schedule this week, and I have felt like this was my last week of relaxing before things get busy again. Next week, I am having my first lessons with a number of students, as well as preparing for an important weekend. After that, a number of the ensembles I sing with begin starting back up.
I am excited to be beginning the new year on this newsletter with a series of new interviews! This week’s interview features Opal Clyburn-Miller, a friend I met during the summer of 2022. We talk about their experience graduating into the summer of 2020, and their path to return to school after freelancing for over a year. I really appreciate Opal’s willingness to share their experiences and some reflections on this time of their life!
Who are you, and what do you do?
My name is Opal, and I’m a tenor based around DC and Baltimore. Most of my work is in early music; probably 75 to 80 percent. My goal is to be a soloist and specialist in High Baroque literature, and to branch out from there. My career captures choral work, art song, oratorio, and new music; the only thing I don’t do much is grand opera.
Could you tell me a little about your path up to this point?
I graduated in 2020, so I didn’t have a senior recital. They kicked us off campus in March, so my “senior recital” consisted of me in my parents’ basement singing three art songs with an accompaniment track in front of the voice faculty on Zoom. I had a certificate program in American Contemporary Music lined up at University of Maryland, Baltimore County (UMBC), which I was really looking forward to. I got my undergraduate degree from a liberal arts school, and finishing that program, I thought, “What are my weaknesses? What do I want to work on?” And I knew that was my keyboard skills and diction, so I had this program lined up to work on those things.
Then, of course, Covid happened. My conversations with the director prior to that had been really positive, and I was really excited, and then we had to have the Covid conversation. They let me know that they could no longer guarantee me the things that they had previously. For example, if the campus had to close down, I wouldn’t have a place to practice. Most of the classes would be hybrid or online. There was also nobody else in the program anymore, as they all deferred or dropped out. Post-Covid, it was just not the program that I’d looked for, but it was the same cost. So I decided to defer for a semester, as it was just not what I signed up for.
Not much happened that summer. I took a French diction class with someone at Peabody, who kind of became my interim teacher. Since I graduated in 2020, I didn’t have a teacher anymore, so she took over for me and we did some Zoom lessons. It was as important to have a supportive person there who I could talk to about music as it was to have voice lessons.
I was out of school from May of 2020 until the end of that calendar year, but then I went to the certificate program in January. I was off by a semester, so it was January through December of 2021. A brief overview: the program was six credits for two semesters. Three credits each semester accounted for my lessons. In the first semester, my additional seminar was based on professional development, and the second on teaching artistry. These one-on-one lectures were often on Zoom. I asked to join the choir and the new music ensemble, because I thought that it might be fun, and I wanted to make music with a group of people. Even those experiences were tough: we were so far apart physically, and nobody really felt comfortable talking in close quarters, especially as I was new to the community. It was much better than not having a program to be a part of, but the experience was incredibly isolating. On the days I had to be on campus I would simply drive in, have my lesson/ensemble, and then go back home. The best thing was that I got to meet my teacher, Tony Arnold, and work together for a year.
I had a similar experience, where there was about a year to a year and a half of “empty space” coming out of the spring of 2020 when we were all trying to figure out what to do next.
It felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me, and I was just in limbo.
For me, that time was really transformative in terms of my relationship to music. It gave me some time to refocus and figure out what I wanted to do with my time. Did you have any type of similar experience, any moments of focusing, or even unfocusing, during that time?
I am happy that you felt that way… For me, it was just very difficult. I’m a very goal oriented kind of person, so without a project to look towards, and without any idea of when it would all “end,” it was very difficult to do any type of music-making.
That’s fair - and maybe that’s a lesson in itself, to learn what things you actually need.
I think it is good to try and find the positives in that. There were a lot of other disciplines where people benefited a lot from the transition to remote work. As it applies to me, though… There were no choirs that were operating. There were no solo projects that I could get excited about. I’d structured almost my entire life around singing in the last couple years, and then I didn’t even know if singing would exist in the same way. I guess one thing that it did teach me is that it is very important to stay flexible, and to remain on your toes. I think I was “heavy-footed.”
I had planned the certificate program, and generally I plan very clearly. Each step also has a contingency step. So for something like this to happen, it felt a bit like a punishment for my hubris - that I could plan things to go well in my life. It was as if everything that I thought about was gone, and I didn’t know when it was going to come back. So it was very difficult to spin that in a way that could be helpful to me. Kudos to you if you did; I need to learn how to do that, because things aren’t always going to go the way that I plan them.
I mean, our discipline does set us up for that. You do always have to be thinking one step ahead. You’re always preparing for the next season, and you often don’t find out about those things until fairly late before they begin. I’m applying to opportunities for the summer that I may not hear confirmation from until March or April, and then you have to be able to change plans on the dime to keep up with the next opportunity. It’s not as if we graduate and can walk right into a nine-to-five job for the next several years.
It’s a weird mix. It’s like you have to have one eye always on the next thing. But even in that sense, I consider myself a planner. I have a huge spread of all of the vocal organizations that I plan to apply for this year, next year, or in two years, and the same for summer programs that I think I might be eligible for. And they’re color-coded: green meaning they pay me, yellow meaning there’s no tuition, and red meaning they cost money. It’s as if that whole system exploded during Covid. But there is that element of flexibility that is so necessary in this field, certainly.
It’s kind of like when I practice ornaments. I’m playing Damon in Acis and Galatea, and I’m learning these arias with Da Capos, and learning ornaments. There are lots of good choices, and I don’t want to decide which is the one that I will definitely take. I’ll try each one a few times, and if they feel good, I might use them in performance. I won’t be able to decide that fully until I have the orchestra with me, until I’m in the hall, and even night to night, the affect that I want to bring to a piece could be different. That’s how I think about this career a lot of the time: there are things that I want to do, there are things that I think are in my path, but there’s nothing to say that that path will be the one that happens. There are no guarantees.
I also need to have contingencies: what happens if I choose to take a breath here? If I need to swallow unexpectedly? I can’t just fall about - they need to be incorporated into the gesture. For me, it’s about preparing for those things to happen. It’s like thinking about the worst case scenario. If I don’t get into a specific graduate program, what are my options? If I don’t get into any summer programs, what is available to me for my next steps? But during lockdown, all of the options were gone. There were none. I managed to do some things online. There was a lot of innovation, and a lot of singers became quite savvy in tech. I’m even an amateur video editor, which is super helpful. But in a general, and in a psychological sense, it was really quite difficult.
So that brings us to the end of 2021. What happens next?
Well in late 2020, I thought to myself, “let’s apply to graduate school.” At this point I wasn’t sure about the certificate, and it was only meant to be a stepping stone in any case. I had managed to be a reasonably functioning human being by then, so I prepared some tapes. I applied by December of 2020 to only two schools, Yale and to Peabody. In our circles, the Voxtet is the premier program. For me, it’s because I want to have a career as an oratorio soloist and sing high Baroque music, and so many people who graduate from that program end up doing that type of work. That pulled me in. And James Taylor is the preeminent Evangelist, and there’s nobody better to learn from than him. I was accepted to Peabody, and I did not receive an audition for Yale.
Of course I did enroll in the certificate. And my first semester there, my teacher suggested I start my masters at Peabody. This would overlap with the end of my certificate, an idea I wasn’t in love with, so I didn’t pursue that path. I finished my certificate program at the end of 2021, and that began me freelancing full time, which I did for a year and a half. At the same time, I was preparing for masters auditions again. This time I had some really concrete goals for an improved financial offer from Peabody, an audition with Yale, and casting a wider net on programs. Fast forward a bit, and I didn’t pass prescreens again for fall Yale 2023. I can’t really put into words the intense disappointment I felt receiving that news, but it ended up working out. My teacher was a real advocate for me at Peabody, and in Baltimore I had a real community of friends and artists.
Freelancing was… freelancing. DC is a great place to be a choral singer. There are a lot of organizations presenting choral and early music. It is a really rich scene. It’s maybe not the easiest scene to break into, but there is tons of music going on. Truthfully, I had become a choral singer mostly by necessity. I needed to work, and my resume was quite strong in choral music. That ended up being the bulk of what I did, and it turns out that the more work you get, the more you build on that resume. It reinforced itself. Last season I really enjoyed my church job. I was in the Washington National Opera chorus, I was getting small oratorio or opera roles for premieres, and I was taking other calls when I could.
It was nice. But it was a lot of traveling, and that can really wear on you. For me, and I don’t know if this would apply to everyone, but it was quite stressful because a lot of the time I was in a new space with new people, and I really wanted to show my best. I would work hard on the music, and also really try hard to be a good colleague. That’s really an underrated part of this whole thing. You want people to think about you when you’re not in the room, and to think about you in a positive light. I’m not a super big people person though, so this was actually really hard! That, plus all the driving, and just having to eat and live on the road, and being in rehearsals that are two hours away from home for long hours can be very difficult.
I was making a decent living. My first calendar year of freelancing full time, I was just above the federal minimum wage, which is quite good for someone with my experience. DC is a really great place for it.
To go to my masters right after that was a tough decision for me. Why do people go to their masters? Honestly, even when I was freelancing, I felt like I was selling myself short at times, I thought that I needed a masters, or that I wasn’t ready, or that I wasn’t mature enough. This stuff does not matter. If you get called for the gig, and you can do it, and do it well, you’re doing fine. That’s all that is required. A lot of times I just got in my own head. I think you can let other people or other situations create difficulties, but don’t be your own worst enemy. There are so many things that could go wrong, don’t let it come from inside yourself. It’s not a helpful mindset to have.
So, my masters. I wanted to increase my value as a musician. I’m not saying you have to have a piece of paper to be valued, but my skill and the monetary value that I assign to my time will be higher when I have the degree. I’d be able to perform at a higher level and, most importantly, I want to increase my solo viability. I thought that someone with my resume would not get hired to sing, for example, the Messiah solos with the NSO or Baltimore Symphony Orchestra. I think I have a strong resume, but maybe not enough competition wins, or roles, or solo repertoire in general. So that’s what I really wanted to add to my own music-making, while also still keeping vocal ensemble and choral music a core part of my career.
It’s good to hear that that was a financially feasible option for you, for the year. A lot of people, myself included, are still weaning themselves away from their day job, because there is the element of insecurity in freelancing. Based on your own levels of comfort and financial security, would you say that you felt comfortable in your ability to make plans and make connections through that time? Were there any challenges with that experience?
First, I will always back my own ability, but there were a number of things that lined up quite well. I got my church job through a recommendation from my teacher, and for the WNO chorus job, I had learned that aria the week before. There were a few other situations where I was maybe worried that my level wasn’t quite where I wanted it to be, but also: I’m a tenor, and it was right after Covid, and a lot of people were naturally refreshing their lists of people.
Networking is never really too hard for me, especially if I have a drink in my hand! I always feel like I put myself in good positions to do well. And then if I’m put in that position, I will always be able to back myself up with my singing. At the same time, a lot of the work was quite difficult. You mentioned your day job, and it was the same feeling for me. I had to either freelance full time, or get a job in food service or retail or something like that. I didn’t have anything else. It was really make or break: all I had was an undergrad degree from a liberal arts school, so I can forgive myself for not thinking that I had the proper credentials. At the same time, sometimes it just clicks, and I know that I’m meant to be there.
What did a normal day, or a normal week, during that time look like?
Let’s go to Spring 2022. My church job was in Baltimore, so I considered myself Baltimore-based. Rehearsals for church were Thursday night for Sunday morning service. There were special events every now and then. I had been invited back to UMBC as a resident artist, which meant I was a section leader in the choir and had a role in their opera scenes class. That was Tuesday and Thursday, about 4 hours a week and in the afternoon. I sang with the (now defunct) National Philharmonic Chorale on Tuesday nights as a choral associate. I sang with Bach in Baltimore for a bit, as well as the Baltimore Choral Arts Society. I had The Thirteen’s vocal fellows program and a short tour with the Washington National Cathedral choir. And then it was just small things here and there. I was a ringer for one of Peabody’s choral concerts, which was great because I got to work with Dr. Willer before I formally enrolled.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that there wasn’t really a “normal week!” On a daily basis: I’d wake up, and then either play piano or do a light warm-up. I’d try to do something physical, like a jog. When I got back, I’d sit down and learn the music that I had to learn. Then I’d drive somewhere at least half an hour away, and have at least one rehearsal for 2 to 3 hours. And that’s it: driving, learning music, making sure that I’m physically fit to be singing for long periods of time, and really finding creative and interesting ways to learn music without singing. That included semi-occluded vocal tract exercises, listening to recordings, playing the piano, and solfege. While the voice is renewable, you can’t sing for too many hours in one day, and then turn around and do that the next day, and every day. There were very few days off. I think I did my dry cleaning on Wednesday mornings because that was the only consistent time I had.
Careerwise, it was excellent. Financially, it was not that great, but for a musician pretty good. My stress levels were too high, and I did not really find a way to work sustainably. And I ate gas station food more often than I’d have liked.
But really you never know what’s going to happen. If there’s space in your schedule, and you say yes to the next opportunity, you might end up meeting some great new people.
The part that I have to do is put myself out there and perform at a high level. Eventually, the people who hear you will know you, and you’ll be recommended for things, which can lead to more things. I would not say that I networked aggressively, but I would say that I always put my work first, and that always led to things. It might have worked better if I was more forward, but that’s not how I wanted to do it.
Could you tell me more about your transition into graduate school and out of your freelance lifestyle? What are the positives and negatives of this time?
Well let me say first that my goals for my certificate program were to improve my piano skills and to get better at diction, but none of those things happened. With my teacher, we surveyed American art song from the last hundred years, and it was fantastic. Even though I had an idea of what I wanted to do, it didn’t end up being what happened, and that’s not necessarily for the worst.
I entered into this masters to increase my viability as a soloist. I applied to some other schools, either for vocal performance or historical performance. There wasn’t a lot of overlap for the audition repertoire for those programs, so I had to sing a lot of music, and I think that’s okay. Ideally, there will be a wide breadth of music that I can perform at a high level.
Unfortunately, solo opportunities, especially Baroque, have not materialized here. It has been mostly choral and vocal chamber music, which is exactly what I was doing before, except this time I’m paying an institution. Further, there’s a difference in the level of experience in the room compared to where I was professionally. Ideally I would not enroll in a program for vocal chamber music because I was already doing that at a level that I was happy with, with people who were active in the field. So I’ve been disappointed. I’m happy to be playing Damon with a Baltimore-based company, but that opportunity did not come from the school.
But there are other benefits. First, there are lots of good tenors in DC. A year or two ago, an excellent ensemble performed a large Bach piece and there were six or eight tenors on the roster. I wasn’t called. That was a moment for me to think, “I’m seeing these people who I respect and value as musicians, and who I think are more experienced than me. I’ve learned a lot from them, but at some point I’ll need to do that for myself.” I could stay in DC and wait until there’s an opening, but that’s not really a long term solution. I needed to build something for myself. Playing Damon is that idea working out quite well. Baltimore, in general, is a suitable place for me to break in with the materials and resume that I have.
In terms of the workload, there is actually more music here. I’m in the Renaissance ensemble and in the choir, and I’m also in repertoire classes. In the past, I would get the music a few weeks in advance, and then have time to sit there and learn the music before going to the gig. It was beautifully simple in that regard. Now, there are a lot of pieces coming at you at the same time. The choir goes through a lot, and I’m also in a chamber ensemble within the choir which has extra repertoire, and my rep classes can be quite challenging. My church job can be difficult as well.
Someone was telling me something interesting: that you have to consider the fee that you earn for a gig to be inclusive not only of travel and performances, but also of personal practice. Sometimes, I’m not able to spend as much time preparing for certain things because of the compensation. As a professional, I never want to go in front of people and present something that I’m not proud of, but as a working artist, I can’t give an infinite amount of time to music that I’m not being compensated well enough for. Of course, in a masters program, all of the music is being presented in front of people, and it's just a matter of learning a lot of music very fast. It’s a skill that was not really important while I was freelancing, because I was always given music enough ahead of time. Here, my whole day is full for 6 days a week, so I have Saturday to learn music for four ensembles and look at my solo rep, which is not really possible. So I’ve had to learn to read well and to get as much as I can out of the rehearsal time.
Also when I was freelancing, I was almost always the least experienced musician. I was happy to be there, and just trying to learn as much as I could and make good impressions. As a masters student, I am regarded quite differently, and different things are required of me. I really have to be present. Then, there were so many other people whose opinions were more important than mine, and my job was to follow what they wanted. Here, the whole section or even the whole ensemble takes cues from me. I am looked to by the other students and the directors, and I am a lot more responsible for the final product now than I was before. I carry myself differently, musically and personally, and there’s more weight on the things that I do.
There is also a lot of work to maintain relationships. As a freelancer, I’d meet new people, work with them for a period of time, and then we’d all move on to other projects. It was more of a sprint. In a masters program, you see the same people for a minimum of one year, and likely two, and you’re working together on repertoire for a long time. Building and maintaining relationships becomes as important really than the music-making. I don’t want to say that relationships don’t matter when freelancing, but it’s not always the main concern beyond the short time you spend together.
The sheer volume of music, and the amount of intangibles to manage, has been a learning experience.
Thank you for sharing that. It’s really insightful to hear about the differences in the experiences you’ve had with those two lifestyles so far. Before we wrap up, I have one more question: if you could travel back in time to talk with your seventeen self, what advice would you give them?
I started going to college for Physics, and I could not imagine myself in this position. I took my first voice lesson when I was a senior in high school. I was playing bass in orchestra and in jazz band, taking math and physics classes, and I was singing in the choir. String players practice a lot, because they have to cover a lot of repertoire, and due to the nature of the instrument, you can play for quite a long time. It took me a while to decide that I wanted to focus on one thing.
If I could tell myself at seventeen something, I would probably say that there’s no rush, and that you should enjoy the things that you enjoy while you’re in an environment where you’re able to. At some point, you will have to specialize. I resisted that because it felt like closing doors, which wasn’t something I was comfortable with. But I knew that if I wanted to reach a certain level, I had to invest the time and effort, and I couldn’t do that in multiple fields or disciplines at the same time. That took a long time to realize, and even a longer time to actually accept and incorporate into my life. I don’t think that was a bad thing, though. If anything, I wish I did more of that wide breadth of work while I was able to, instead of being stressed out about things that I didn’t need to be. Yet.
Do you have any final thoughts, or projects you’d like to share here?
I’m in a vocal quartet with a few friends this semester! Little known fact: I had gotten a group together to sing SSAA rep together during my last semester in undergrad, for which I’d be A2. Of course that didn’t happen, so I’m really looking forward to this! If I have a long-term musical goal (besides singing Bach all the time), it would be to bring vocal chamber music to the same level of other chamber ensembles, especially string quartets, in both the public eye and in academia.
And more generally: the farther I progress, the less concerned I am with the notes on the page. I am concerned with genuine connection with the listener. I am concerned with how I’m making my colleagues feel. And I’m concerned with the environment and future I’m building with my work.
Thank you, Opal, for sharing your story in this conversation! It was very interesting to learn more about your life as a freelance musician, and the path back to graduate studies. I hope you enjoyed this interview edition!
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Upcoming Performances:
January 26, 7:30pm; Ford Hall, Ithaca College: Concert in Honor of Dr Martin Luther King Jr. with Dorothy Cotton Jubilee Singers
January 28, 3pm; Broome County Forum Theatre, Binghamton: Mozart’s Requiem with Southern Tier Singers Collective and Binghamton Philharmonic Orchestra
February 24, 7:30pm; St. Patrick’s Cathedral, Binghamton: Arches in Sound with Southern Tier Singers Collective
Thank you for reading <3
Love,
Caitlin