seeking creativity
Questions and updates and pondering the creative process.
On a two-hour rehearsal commute this week, I listened to (most of) Jacob Collier’s interview on the Colin and Samir Show. While I have honestly never been a huge listener of Jacob’s, I enjoyed his commentary on his musical and career growth. If you have a long drive coming up, or a couple of hours to spare, I would highly recommend listening to the complete interview.
Some of the topics of conversation addressed some of the questions I often come back to: “The relief of being seen creatively,” “Being present in the creative process,” and “Contributing vs participating.”
It feels like this interview came out at the perfect time for me. More than ever, I am finding myself in a state of change, holding it together through countless questions and worries about my path. I finished my graduate school auditions almost a month ago, and am left waiting to hear back from schools. In the end, I auditioned for three programs; I have received an offer from one, but am awaiting responses from the others. I feel fairly secure in my auditions and interviews, but won’t be able to feel content in the process until I know everything for sure. Once responses are in, and I have a slightly clearer view of my next steps, I’ll be sharing a more detailed look into the second part to my graduate applications process.
I do have some exciting news, and essentially solid plans: I recently accepted a position at the Aspen Music Festival and School as an Operations Assistant! I am really excited to be joining their summer staff, and have really enjoyed meeting the team so far. I will be moving down there in June, and working until the last weeks of August. I really look forward to going back to Aspen, spending some time roadtripping, and investing some time into another side of my professional insterests.
The anticipation of these major changes have sparked some creative cravings in me. In line with Jacob’s interview, I find myself seeking musical and personal connections that allow me to feel seen creatively. These moments often feel rare and special, and can’t be manufactured. Jacob talked about his experience meeting a long-time mentor as, “being seen,” and, for the first time, feeling like he was speaking the exact same language as another person.
I felt a few moments of this feeling a few nights ago, on a phone call with a Steven Naylor. Steven is a friend from this past summer who is working on a song cycle using some poetry and journal entries from the summer and fall. Although the project is just beginning to take shape, Steven has already been a generous and compassionate collaborator, and our conversation felt like we were truly seeing each other creatively. I am so exctied to see how his ideas take shape with my writing, and to be able to share the piece in performance some time down the line.
This conversation made me more excited to find more presence in the creative process. I have been craving this feeling, too, of being completely alive in the creation or reinvention of music. I haven’t felt this way in a while, especially as an individual musician, because I’ve been so much more invested in the external process. In preparing for my auditions, I found myself being caught up in the result of my singing, and not always the meaning behind it. At times, I was driven to practice and sing well because I wanted to present polished and interesting auditions, rather than because the music had inherent stories to tell. This doesn’t mean that I lost those stories entirely, but simply that I was numb to their impact because of my focus on practicalities.
I feel like I have spent a long time talking about music, but not much time creating music. I am grateful for the experiences I have had teaching this semester, but it has felt strange to be investing more time into other people’s performances than my own. To be fair to myself, I have spent the last few weeks recovering for some fatigue and sickness, but I am looking forward to beginning to work on some new repertoire and get back into a solid routine.
Jacob also talked about the process of cultivating creativity, touching on the idea that nobody is simply born ready to create musical or artistic masterpieces. There is a deep rooted idea in many of our minds that in order to create, we need to be good at the thing we are creating with. Then, when it takes time to learn or become “good at” the skill we are seeking, our brains believe that this is proof that we will never be “good” at it, and give up. How many times have you become excited about a new hobby, instrument, or craft, given it a try, sucked at it, and then never picked it up again?
I’ve done this with instruments, games, books, and crafts. Somewhere along the line, my mind convinced itself that the only way to validly participate in something is to be skilled at it. And yet, it isn’t able to take the time needed to learn to be skilled.
Jacob suggests that creativity begins as simply particpation, simply showing up. Before one is comfortable taking the lead on an improvised jazz solo, they need to spend time in the band, listening to solos played in front of them. This participation creates comfort, and confidence. Being a part of something and growing within it can set you up to take on more of a role, the role of contribution. This exists in a few forms: experiences ensemble members taking on soloist roles, established volunteers filling board positions or earning paid positions within an orgaization, or dabbling songwriters creating full songs or compositions.
For me, this process of participation and contribution is most alive in community vocal improvisation. Anyone can join in, and the only task is to create sounds in a group of people. With time, this participation can allow for braveness, to take a louder role in the room, to begin to lead your own improvisatory sessions. This can even lead to composition and creation in different settings, inspired or empowered by the sounds created in community.
I am grateful for the space and time that I have been afforded at this stage of my life, but I am ready to stop simply participating and begin to contribute. I’m not completely sure what this will look like just yet, but I know that I am ready for the next steps ahead of me to become clear and then real.
Thank for you sticking along with me, and supporting this journey as it unfolds.
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Upcoming Performances:
March 17, 4pm; Pebble Hill Presbyterian Church, Syracuse: Symphonic Motets with Syracuse Schola Cantorum
April 21, 4pm; Ford Hall, Ithaca College: Dorothy Cotton Jubilee Singers
April 21, 7pm; St. Luke’s Lutheran Church, Ithaca; Pax Mundi with Cayuga Vocal Ensemble
April 28, 3pm; Binghamton University: Carmina Burana with Southern Tier Singers Collective
Thank you for reading <3
Love,
Caitlin